Most Embarrassing Moment - High School Edition

It's the last week of Spanish class so of course the teacher is making us watch a movie in Espanol instead of even trying to get us to work. I'm sitting in the back of the class, as always, when HE walks in. The guy I've been crushing on since the first day I learned we were destined to sit together all year because of our last names. He takes the empty seat next to me, looking excited.

"What are we watching today, amiga?" he asks me.
"Scooby Doo." I say. Even though I can talk to him without tripping over all my words I still find that the less I say, the better.
"Oh good. I have something to show you."
"What is it?" I ask him instantly curious.
"Wait until the lights go down. I don't want everyone to see."

Because I have something to look forward to the teacher goes on and on about who knows what. She keeps talking for another ten minutes before she plays the DVD and turns down the lights.

"What is it? Can I see it now?" I ask him barely containing my excitement.
"I don't know now. Maybe I shouldn't. You're not going to freak out are you?" he asks me with scrunched up eyebrows.
"No? I dunno. Why? What are you going to show me?"
"Well, I wanted to show you but you can hold it if you want."
"Hold it? What is it? Why would I freak out about it?"
"Because it's my snake."

As soon as he says it, I freeze. His snake? Here? In 5th period Spanish? I know that he probably knows I've had a puppy-dog crush on him since forever but he can't honestly think I'm going to...what? Perform some sort of sexual act in the back of the classroom, in the middle of the day, with Scooby Doo in the background does he?

I start to panic. My face goes into horrified mode and he catches it.

"See. I knew you would freak out. I thought you were cool but I guess not."

Oh my god. Now he thinks I'm some sort of prude. I have no idea what to do. I should probably yell at him and call him something horrible but my mind is still trying to catch up.

"Look," I start, "I - I like you. But I guess you already knew that. And I'm, uh, super, uh...flattered? that you would want me to um...But the thing is that I don't do that, you know? I mean, we only talk in class. And. Um. Maybe if we get to know each other better. And, um well, we're actually in class," I gesture around at the other students,"so I'm not going to...you know...here."

I trail off not looking at him. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds so I turn to see if he was even paying attention. I'm stunned to find him trying to stifle his laugh, his eyes watering from the effort.

With gasping breath, he reaches down to the backpack at his feet and opens up one of the zippers. He gently reaches in and pulls out a long, writhing, definitely real, brown and black snake.

Then he throw his head back and laughs and laughs and laughs.