A Letter in Hindsight to my High School SelfFriday, May 09, 2014
To The Me That Still Doesn't Know What Awaits Her,
High school may be the scene of many a John Hughes movie but if your experience were to be filmed...it would probably be a rip-off version played on public access and edited, badly, for time constraints. High school can be the best years of your life (so said someone or other) or it can be just something you do. For you, well let's just say that you might want to work on all of your high school reunions.
Freshman Year will be the worst year, which all things considered is actually good to get all that out of the way in the beginning. It's the year you realize you're not at all sociable, that your private school education failed you, and that for all you know about sex - every one else in your school knows it first hand - not through the book that Mum bought you.
Speaking of Mum, you will hate her because of her tyrannical curfews, old-fashioned morals, and over all not-understanding-you.
It's OK, you both still don't quite understand everything about each other but later in life - it doesn't matter so much. Plus, now you can do whatever the fuck you want. Though, now you'd rather NOT stay out all night or pretend to listen to bad hardcore music.
You will FINALLY get a boyfriend but even though he's sometimes nice, he's very probably certifiable. You feel flattered to be acknowledged but there is so much more than just being with someone who notices you. As hard as first breakups can be, you get over it and though you continue to date shit-to-okay boyfriends none of them will ever be that crazy, so Future You calls it a win. Remember, not everyone can have a perfect Dean/Rory relationship their first time, besides you always shipped Rory&Jess anyway.
Sophomore Year yields better results all around. You have a few friends you talk to, you finally get out of remedial classes and are now taking an advanced two-hour math class. In this class you will meet a girl who could have very possibly changed your life but you were too boy-crazy and caught up in your own world to pay attention to what was right in front of you. Your arrogance and ignorance will ruin the friendship but you will forever be more invested in those who are kind and meaningful, rightly ignoring those who don't matter, which will make you a better friend to everyone you know.
Junior Year brings about new friends and your most traumatic first date ever. But don't fret, the story will provide great fodder in later years when you're trying to win a free drink at a bar.
This is the year you will sneak into the trunk of a car to blow off your last few classes of the day. You'll also get with, and break up with, and get with again, your first "real" boyfriend (meaning lasting longer than a month). This on-again off-again trend will last longer than you think.
Senior Year will be exactly like you dreamed...if you dreamt that you'd have a full course load, no friends, two freshman PE classes, and still have to take the bus home.
Even though that sounds pretty awful to you, this year you will also discover your love of movies and fall hard for a guy who has a girlfriend. Even though you're a senior, (which obviously means you're all grown up) you're still young and naive and believe that moving out of state for college will turn you from grubby, fat caterpillar to a big, beautiful butterfly.
All in all high school was a time in your life you will probably not remember too fondly. But you will survive it, have some good times, meet some good people, and end up meeting someone who has a much bigger impact in your life than you ever could have imagined because he obviously has already seen how low you can go.
|How low can you go?|
This was the time of your life where your later years start. Your work in TV would never have happened if you hadn't taken that one film class. Your hard work paid off and the things you learned, albeit usually not in your actual lessons, shaped you to be grateful, passionate, and snarkily humorous. You may have skipped prom and (rightfully) decided against raising a cow, but the times you've had -or didn't- weren't things you missed out on. By not doing everything that everyone else was doing, you learned to appreciate and work for the things you wanted to do. You learned to do things because they interested you, not because it interested others.
In high school you learned to listen and believe in yourself and if nothing else, at least you've got that.