Bitchin' About: Austinites

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I've lived in San Antonio my entire life (minus that one year I went to college in Salt Lake City). There are plenty of things that I hate about San Antonio and plenty of things that I like about it. One of the biggest things that I like about SA is that we don't put all our stock into where we live...unlike Austinites.

Austinites are people who live in Austin. But not just a resident. They are the douchey people who not only live in Austin but think that Austin is the center of the universe. They are the people who can't understand why you'd bother to live anywhere else but don't actually want you to move there either.

Austin is an hour north of San Antonio. It's the capital of Texas. It gets a lot of talk and a lot of other cities get overlooked because of it. I've been to Austin. I like it. But I do not understand the people who get a hard-on for it.
OMG! There are other cities in Texas?! Who knew?!

Austin is like a mockery of itself. There are tons of hipsters and dbags but it's like they know that and are trying to outrank each other.

This to me is the equivalent of Dick's Last Resort; paying a lot of money to be very annoyed. Via

With their motto of Keep Austin Weird it seems that each person has taken it upon themselves to accept the challenge.


Only, Austin isn't that weird. Most of Austin is just annoying. Once you move to Austin, you get on this high pedestal where no where else can ever compare. I wouldn't mind so much if they didn't come down here to visit family and do their laundry. When they leave their high perch that is the traffic-crazy, hipster city of Austin and make the trek to lowly SA all they do is remind us of all the things SA hasn't gotten yet. Like a food truck that serves foie gras or the right mustache to beard ratio that only Austinites know the perfect formula for.


Is Austin a really cool place? Yes. They started the Alamo Drafthouse and have lots of places to listen to good music. They have good food. 6th Street is a great place to get drunk and listen to music. You can kayak in the river. Austin the place isn't bad. It's the people. It's like once you step foot in Austin you forget where you came from. And god forbid you were actually born there! You can probably touch god.

The chip & dip is vegan, soy free, local, non GMO cheese-like product. 

Hey, I get it -- you really love your city but just because your city has a lot of things many other cities don't, that doesn't mean that you need to go around shaming other cities. You don't need to go around calling yourselves Austinites. Ugh. Really? For your sake I hope your best attribute isn't the city you currently live in. If you have to claim yourself to be an Austinite rather than telling people you're from Austin then you're not as weird or as special as you think.

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