Man Hater

I am a feminist. I believe that though women have made huge progress in being equal to men in certain areas, there are some that we still need to catch up on. I've written about it here on my blog. In daily life though, the subject doesn't come up that often. The people I hang out with are either feminist themselves or at the very least not complete assholes who oppose the idea. I mean, why would I want to surround myself with people who think my opinion is less than theirs?

So, I've never had an encounter where I found myself verbally defending women's equality or lack thereof.

Until a few weeks ago.

John and I were at a party with other people who were drinking, laughing, talking. I was talking to a friend of ours when a man in his 40s or 50s comes up to us and joins in on the conversation. I don't quite remember what the conversation was about initially but before long we were talking about dancing. And he believed that a woman could not lead.

"But," we asked, "what if the guy can't dance? Why would we want to follow a bad dancer, instead of showing them how to do it?" 

"The man always leads," the guy said.

And this was just the beginning of the night. Looking back, I think he might be one of those people who end up arguing and belligerent when they drink just for the hell of it, because it seemed as if he kept trying to instigate an argument.

Though we were on opposing sides of the discussion, things were getting expressed in a fairly calm manner.

Until more drinks were had.

Towards the end of the night, he apparently knew enough about me to come to the conclusion that I was a man-hater.

Yup. Me. This girl.

I was completely taken aback by it. I mean, I would never have thought someone would call me that in my entire life. Bitch? Yes. Rude? Totally. But a man-hater? This was new.

What made me most upset was the fact that he kept saying things in reference to my childhood, as if knowing me for a whole two hours was long enough for him to psychoanalyze my life.

Offhanded comments like "you must have had a really bad childhood to be so angry," only helps to support the claim that my opinion isn't as valued. My thoughts and opinions aren't, no, can't be correct because, obviously, I still resent the fact that my dad was an absentee father.

Newsflash old man. My dad is amazing. Not only was he there for me as a child, he's there for me now. But perhaps you're projecting your own mommy/daddy issues onto me. 

See, even writing this posts is hard because I so want to take those low punches that I know I shouldn't take.

But it got me thinking about the fact that culture, can come from a sense of duty and pride and can eventually become something more sinister.  The man was an older, Latino guy - it makes sense that he was taught (along with many other boys) that men have to be providers, have to be strong, have to protect their women.

The idea of providing for family; of strength in faith, body, mind; and a sense of protectiveness in loved ones are great traits to possess.

But they should not be men-only virtues. Nor should they be the only redeeming ones.

This idea that there are men-only traits and women-only traits are part of the problem everyone faces today.

The idea that feminism is an ideology based on hating and putting down men is not only wrong, it's causing more trouble.

I don't hate men. But as a woman I'm not sure I've paid enough attention to their issues. So I think it's time to have a look at the other side. I want to see what issues men are faced with and what steps people around the world are taking to help ensure that both genders are treated.

Which is why in the next few entries I'll be talking about how men play a role in feminism and how men have their own sets of gender roles that we need to be aware of.

Sunday Social # 18

1. 5 things you want us to know about you

1. I'm left-handed.
2. I love reading Young Adult fiction.
3. I think Sherlock and Watson from the BBC Sherlock love each other. In a gay way. And I think they should be together. 
4. I love getting things in the mail.
5. I'm addicted to coffee.

Via PichiiCake

2. 5 favorite things about blogging

1. Meeting other people with simliar interests. 
2. Meeting other people with different interests. 
3. Being able to write about topics that interest me.
4. Getting free stuff!
5. Finding a use for all the Tumblr pictures and gifs I save up. 

3. 5 things you are doing before the year is over

1. Turning 26.
2. Christmas.
3. Going to Enchanted Springs Ranch.
4. Finish Supernatural.
5. Have friends over to our house. 

4. 5 favorite fall fashion staples

1. Cardigan sweaters! I have at least 10 different colors.
2. Tights! I love tights in different colors. I wear them at work too since it's so cold in there. 
3. Hot coffees in each hand.
4. Scarves...
5. Jeans? I don't know it doesn't get that cold around here. 

Via Lost in the Haze 

5. 5 favorite beauty products

1. I love e.l.f products as I've mentioned before. 
2. I also love NYX blush. 
3. Hawaiian Tropic Sheer Touch. 
4. Coconut oil.
5. Dollar Shave Club razors and cartridges. 

Stolen Celebrity Photos

I'm sure you've already heard about the "scandal" surrounding the "leaked" nude photos of some celebrities. In the case that you haven't, here's the gist - some sexual offender purposefully went into various celebrities personal photographs, stole them and reposted them on 4chan.

This is completely disgusting on so many levels. I don't even know where this person comes off as thinking they are somehow entitled to these people's photos. This complete disregard for other people's privacy is sickening and with the internet being as prevalent as it is, it has become a bit too common place.

However, what I would like to draw attention to is the media surrounding it.

This "scandal" is not a scandal. Not only is this a horrible choice of words, it puts the blame on the victims. Just like the word "leak". The photos were not leaked! They were stolen! The blame needs to be rightfully put on the person who did it.

None of the celebrities should have to apologize for their pictures. Taking naked pictures is not dirty, sinful, wrong, or as I saw it described in a comment "pervy". These women were under the impression that no one besides those they granted permission to would see these private photos. The fact that only slutty, shameful women take nude photos is wrong. These women have nothing to apologize for and the fact that people are thinking they should is completely erroneous. The "pervy" thing is the fact that someone decided famous nude celebrity photos should be EVERYONE's photos. The "pervy" thing is that someone thinks women's bodies are for EVERYONE to oogle at. The "pervy" thing is that women's nude photos get passed around the internet way.too.much.

To all those saying "they should have expected this to happen", do you realize that you are using the "wearing a short skirt may get you raped" rationale? It's the same thing. People should not have to take such drastic actions to be sure that their rights (to their privacy, to their own bodies) are secure. We need to stop blaming people for taking pictures that they are totally and completely rightfully and legally able to take.

We need to start putting the blame where it belongs - on the perpetrator. And we need to start using choice words so that the idea gets across. This person was not just a hacker but is also a sex offender. The photos were not leaked, they were stolen.

Whether there was a security flaw in the cloud system or not- the perpetrator had a choice. S/he did not have to take the time and effort of going into these people's private photos, stealing the sexual ones, and then going and showing everyone else on the internet. The idea that there are inherently evil people in the world who cannot help themselves needs to stop. The idea that because there is a defect in security does not mean that we should expect people to abuse it.

There needs to be more people saying "this person is a sex offender" when speaking about the hacker. There needs to be more people saying "please don't apologize for your body" to the celebrities that were hacked. There needs to be more people saying "people are not entitled to your private photographs even if you're in the spotlight." There needs to be more people saying "we need to have definite punishments for people who abuse these kinds of security weaknesses". There needs to be more people saying "we will not tolerate this."

Some Favorite (Bluegrass) Tunes

There are some that you just have to crank up and sing at the top of the your lungs. Some that make you weepy and sad and remind you of your ex. Others are ones you can listen to over and over again without getting tired. Some introduce you to an entirely new genre, new outlook, new perspective.

Music speaks to everyone in different ways. There are so many versions, variations, interpretations, emotions associated with notes and chords.

I love all kinds most kinds of music. I go through phases of genres. Once I go through the phase though, it sticks with me forever.

I get asked what kind of music I listen to quite often. And the answer isn't simple. I listen to a lot of different things dependent on my mood, the time of day, the number of people in the room.

But there are some that I can listen to again and again. Here are some of my favorite blue/bluegrass songs.

Erick Baker - Crazy 

John Fullbright - Satan and St. Paul 

Josh Ritter - Harrisburg 

Robert Earl Keen - I Gotta Go 

Max Stalling - The Pila Song

Turnpike Troubadours - Before the Devil Knows We're Dead

And lastly, 

Steve Martin & The Steep Canyon Rangers ft. Edie Brickell - Pretty Little One 

If you liked any of these, let me know. And if you have any suggestions based on these, I'd love to hear it. 

Hatch Chile Mac and Cheese with Bacon

With hatch chiles cheap and in season I've been putting them in everything this past week. From omelettes to the tops of my chalupas there really is no going wrong with them. So, when I came across this recipe from A Cozy Kitchen for Hatch Mac and Cheese I knew I had to give it a try.

I did make a few alterations to her original, the biggest one being I added some bacon. But I also used whole wheat elbow macaroni.

It took about me about 20 mintues of prep time and then another 20 to cook. But John and Mum both liked it.

Also, because I used bacon I subbed the butter for the bacon fat, but I used the same amounts.

The recipe called for putting the mac and cheese under the broiler for five minutes after it sits in the oven but I found that this was far too long.

My panko crumbs ended up completely burnt. I just scooped them off with a spoon and all was well. But if you do make this recipe, check on the broiler every minute or so, especially if your broiler is on the bottom like mine. 

Even though you could taste the cheesy, bacony, hatch goodness in the mac and cheese I found that it was still lacking something. It tasted a bit bland. There needs to be some acidity or seasoning to cut through the creaminess and cheesiness of it all. Next time I make it, and there will be a next time, I'm going to add a bit of vinegar or wine to the roux. I'm hoping that will brighten it up just a bit. 

Anyway, as you can see the recipe made a lot so we had some leftovers to take to lunch during the week. 

Is It Time to Cut the Friendship Cord?

When you're young the only requirement you need in a friend is that they'll share their Gushers with you. When you get a bit older, the requirements can get a bit more sophisticated and a bit more complicated. In any natural life, friends come and go. Sometimes you lose touch, sometimes they are on a different path than you are. 

But what if that separation doesn't happen naturally? What if you're holding onto someone who just may not be considered a friend anymore? When do you know it's time to call it quits on the friend? And if you do, are you giving up on them? 

For years I've had some friends come and go. And always one that was always there. We may not talk all the time but we'd make plans to hang out every few months or so. We'd keep in touch on Facebook and social media. 

But for months now we haven't spoken. The person hasn't even tried. And when you don't even try in the friendship anymore, there is nothing left. 

I really don't have all that many friends, especially not enough to be getting rid of some, but there is nothing worse than always being the person who is called upon when someone else is bored. I am not a toy to be used when the person needs a distraction. 

There was also a lot of broken plans. A lot of vague promises of "We'll have to hang out soon" that just didn't end up being sincere. I'm not going to always be the one asking, asking, asking. 

Friendships are supposed to be a give and take. A relationship based on compromises, understanding, and a mutual like of the other person. Sometimes one criteria is weighs more than the rest, other times one is severely lacking but when they are all in desperate need of rejuvenation, maybe it's just time to let it go.

Friendships can not only become a burden but can become toxic. 

So, as immature and catty as it sounds I Unfriended this person on Facebook and it was actually a relief. I no longer had to pretend to be interested in their life or upset when I noticed how long ago our last chat session was. I may not have many friends but I'm definitely not going to force something that was obviously over a while ago.

Don't be afraid to end things that are no longer good for you. Things that hold you back or make you rethink your life as it is. Sometimes friendships dissolve and ending it isn't something you should apologize for.